


The Very Last Lovesong

by hassliebe



Category: Tokyo Babylon, X/1999
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-17
Updated: 2011-07-17
Packaged: 2017-10-21 11:46:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/224832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hassliebe/pseuds/hassliebe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Subaru has always been too late. Once his grandmother tries to convince Subaru to start his own family, Seishirou appears to remind him who he belongs to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Very Last Lovesong

**Author's Note:**

> This is my second fic in English, and my first work featuring this couple and writing a lemon in English. This is a belated birthday gift for a very dear friend of mine. My sweet child: Izumi. I know you deserve something better, but this was the best I could come up with.
> 
> Songfic featuring Last Lovesong by Asp

The smoke in his lungs forced him to open his mouth, though he did it slowly and almost painfully. The envelope he had received that morning laid discarded in the table in front of him, tantalizing. He closed his eyes, trying to evade reality and substitute it with the bliss of oblivion and darkness. Suddenly, something changed; it was subtle yet impossible to ignore it. He knew that presence too well. Years had come and gone and he would never be able to forget its essence.

When he opened his eyes, he found a tall man in front of him. He was dressed in a dark suit that emphasized the pale skin while the black coat gave him an air of refinement that tried to conceal his predatory aura. With a swift movement the man took a sit in the same table, as if they had a prior appointment. Subaru was about to say something when a waiter came to the table, extending a menu to the man in front of him. He ordered a cup of coffee, but the young onmyouji couldn't pay attention to the rest of the order since he had to release what was left from his cigarette to prevent getting burned.

Then he felt it, the almost golden gaze focused on him, though a pair of sunglasses prevented him from looking directly into the only good eye left. Sometimes Subaru wondered if he could've been able to resist being under the scrutiny of a pair of golden eyes with such cold and mocking gaze. He closed his eyes again, letting a sigh escape his lips. He was not as surprised as he thought he'd be; Seishirou would appear from time to time to taunt him and to remind him of his existence and their relationship as hunter and prey; not that Subaru needed such a thing. Each day was a painful reminder of everything.

He tried to ignore the man in front of him, but Seishirou wasn't someone to be ignored. He caught Subaru's wrist in his hand, and the boy couldn't help to cringe from the cold and strong grip. The older man smiled while caressing the delicate hand, and then he placed his lips over the pulsing vein in Subaru's wrist, kissing it almost tenderly. The young man tried to release his hand, but when he felt those soft lips against his skin he turned his head, trying to disregard the tingling sensation and the heat ascending through his body. Each time they met something similar happened. Even when he wanted to disregard Seishirou, every part of him seemed to be aware of him.

Suddenly his hand was free again, and when he returned his eyes to the front, his gaze was fixed in the man sitting across from him. Seishirou was looking at the forgotten envelope. Then he reached for it with an almost lazy movement from his hand. He raised his brow slightly as he observed the content. After extending each of the photos and papers in the table, his eyes set on Subaru, who was fidgeting in his chair. There were no words, but the young onmyouji could sense the poignant question in the air.

_How can you ask whether I still love you?  
You know there will be no answer as we know that I do_

"So, these are, dare I say, your grandmother's prospects?"

He knew that wasn't what the other wanted to imply. His composed countenance unnerved Subaru almost as most as the idea of what the question really meant. Was he going to attend a miai and pretend he was interested in one of those women? He already knew the answer, it was impossible for him to act as if he cared about any of those pretty faces and ancient bloodlines. His grandmother had good intentions, she wanted him to be happy by forming a new family, but no one could replace Hokuto. The answer was crystal clear, though he had tried to lie to himself. His excuse was his incapability to love someone after being crushed by his twin's dead and the betrayal of someone he had considered a friend. But the truth was different, it was painful to admit it, but deep down he knew he could only love one person. But even if that was his only truth, it was barely important. He had one duty above everything else, and that was to attain vengeance for Hokuto's death.

"It's true… you've just turned twenty, haven't you?"

Seishirou's velvety voice extracted him from his thoughts. His subtle and amused smile angered and confused Subaru at the same time. Maybe if he ignored the Sakurazukamori, he'd get bored and leave; but apparently that was not going to happen. The older man leaned on his chair, looking at Subaru with such intensity that for a moment he felt as if they were alone. Subaru clenched his fists, desperate and regretful for being unable to leave the restaurant. Was he a coward? Maybe, if only Seishirou didn't know… but he did. The young onmyouji could still remember the moment the Sakurazukamori had realized about his feelings for him, he had never mentioned it, but his smirk and amused expression each time they rarely met was enough confirmation for him.

_Some mistakes one never wants to learn from and he can't  
Didn't you listen? Didn't you care? Won't you understand?_

He could still remember the moment that golden had stared at him like burning amber pouring over him. It had been the second year without Hokuto, and it was not getting easier to go on. As the day draw near, he became restless at night. It was always the same image in his mind. He was surrounded by darkness while running though a rain of cherry blossoms. Petals seemed to clung to him as if trying to stop him, and they also obstructed his vision, making it harder to reach his destiny. When he was finally there, it was already too late. Soft pink turned to blood red as the delicate and lifeless form of Hokuto slipped away. No matter how much he tried to reach her, he was never able to do it. Then his eyes would snap open as cold sweat ran through his body. His heart beating in a fast and erratic rhythm reminded him the sheer pain he'd felt since she'd been gone.

_I've got a song for the fools_  
Running, I was running through the rain  
Running, always running all in vain

That night he had returned to his empty apartment. He knew that he should've been at Kyoto. But he couldn't face his grandmother and he didn't want to pray in front of the family's shrine. He refused to pray since he knew Hokuto was not at peace. She'd been offered as a sacrifice to that damn tree, so the only way to give her peace was to destroy both of them, specially the man. He was weary and famished due to the excessive amount of work. His grandmother has disapproved, but he needed to keep his mind busy in order to stop himself from breaking down. He was on his way to his bedroom when he felt someone's presence.

Seishirou was sitting in one of the sofas, expressionless as usual but with a dozen of red roses. Subaru's eyes widened in surprise, but when he looked at the offending flowers, he was ready to take one of his ofudas in order to attack his sister's assassin. But Seishirou had been faster, standing up with ease while carefully leaving the roses in a table. Before Subaru could move any further, Seishirou was gripping his wrist tightly.

"If you've come to mock me you might as well get over with it and leave me alone… or you may finish what you started so many years ago."

_I didn't fall in love, it was love that fell on me  
It just happened, you just happened, hard and suddenly_

He was hurting so much he didn't care at all if he was killed by the Sakurazukamori, all intend of vengeance forgotten. Though Seishirou surprised him again by ignoring his comment and letting him go. Then he turned his attention to the roses in the table.

"They're not really the kind of flowers Hokuto-chan would like, but they suit you. Their sober beauty compliments yours."

A half smile spread across his lips as he said those words. Suddenly, he turned around, taking Subaru's chin between his cold and slender fingers. The grip was strong and almost painful, but the young boy was distracted by the burning amber of Seishirou's eye.

"Last year you went to her grave, but this year you didn't. What happened? Are you getting over it? Or are you suffering so much that it has become unbearable to be there?"

His voice was cold and terse as it sent a shiver through Subaru's already trembling body. His fingers slid across the young onmyouji's soft skin, almost tenderly. The boy wanted to scream, to fight and cry until he was empty; but his tears had dried long ago while his words were trapped within his dry throat. He tried to pull away, but Seishirou's grip became almost bruising, preventing him from moving.

"You always look stunningly beautiful when you cry. Why don't you show me your tears Subaru-kun?"

The familiarity and softness of those words throbbed too deeply. Intense green eyes confronted the golden gaze. Finally, Subaru spoke with trembling voice.

"Why? Why won't you kill me instead of tormenting me like this? Is it so fun to have me as your toy?"

Seishirou smirked, closing the gap between their bodies. His lips almost caressed Subaru's.

"Not only a toy Subaru-kun, buy my prey… remember that, you're mine. Everything regarding you is mine to decide upon"

Angered, Subaru pulled away, succeeding to break from the other's grip. He glared at the man in front of him, trying to ignore the erratic thumping of his heart.

When he raised his eyes he was surprised by Seishirou's grim expression. Subaru raised his brows, confusion evident in his green eyes. But before he could voice any question, his hand was taken by a much larger one.

"How did it happen?" Subaru looked at his hand. There was a large cut in it. It was not too deep, but that didn't stop the delicate trail of blood from flowing through his arm.

"That's none of your business. You don't care about me, you've never done! So stop this game and decide whether to kill me or leave me alone!"

For a moment Seishirou seemed to be slightly surprised by Subaru's statement, who tried to pull away unsuccessfully. Then he felt the older man's hand pulling him in some other direction. He tried to resist, but after he became aware about how futile it was, he began to follow Seishirou. Suddenly the Sakurasukamori's voice broke the silence.

"And why do you want me to kill you, Subaru-kun? Are you so keen on being with Hokuto-chan? Here I thought you enjoyed our game as much as I do…"

"Don't… Stop that nonsense. I don't know why I even …" Subaru paused with a terrified expression before he could mutter something he'd regret later. When they reached the bathroom Seishirou started searching for something in the cabinet behind the mirror. After he was satisfied with what he'd found, the man began to walk to the bedroom. Subaru's heart began to thump erratically, while his body began to feel damp and his mouth dry.

_All that you have done to me, tenderness, lies and pain  
Forever buried in my heart, and nothing is in vain_

"What are you…"

"Hush Subaru or I might do something you won't like. You've been overdoing it, but what's worse, you've been careless."

He was silent. He couldn't believe his ears. First he was spied and then the other man had gone as far as to threaten him. The moment both of them came into the room, Subaru was carelessly pushed to the bed. He managed to sit down as Seishirou did the same. He looked incredulous as the older man pressed a piece of cotton damped with alcohol to the injury. Subaru flinched, though his movements were limited by the bruising grasp in his hand.

"Why are you doing this? I don't need nor want your help."

"And I don't care if you do. Now stay quiet and still."

Seishirou began to wrap his hand with efficient and careful movements. His touch was almost tender.

"I don't want this… I don't want any more of your fake kindness."

"This is not kindness, Subaru-kun" Seishurou's expression was blank, devoid of any emotion.

"I've told you. Your life is mine, and so is your body. No one is allowed to leave any kind of mark in it, not even you. I'm the only person who has such privilege"

"You, damn heartless…"

Seishirou silenced him by placing his slender finger over his lips. His cold golden menacing eye gazed at him.

"I told you to be quiet. If you keep shouting I'll ravish you here. I'm sure that'd be the ultimate disgrace. Or what do you think?"

Subaru remained silent, feeling self loath by the mere thought. He looked at his injured hand. How could such hate make his insides burn with so much passion? When he raised his face he was aware that we was alone again. He walked to the leaving room and then looked at the roses placed in a vase he didn't remember having. Subaru took one of them, crashing it in his other hand while silent tears caressed his cheeks.

When he came back to reality, he noticed that Seishirou was already leaving the papers and photos in the table. His attention returned to Subaru. He placed his hand under his chin as he leaned forward with a half smile in his lips.

"I must admit Sumeragi-san is quite choosy. All this young girls are too perfect to be truth. They come from ancient families and are the living cliché of a perfectly typical Japanese woman; don't you think Subaru-kun?"

The young boy gave him a wry smile. He preferred to remain silent since that was his opinion too. He decided to call his grandmother in order to reject meeting with any of the girls she had chosen. Opposing her had always been hard, but he had no intention of losing his time. Getting married was the last thing in his mind.

"Hokuto-chan would've never approve any of them"

The casual mention of his sister sent a wave of rage through him. His eyes hardened as his lips tightened.

"You have no right to say her name. You shouldn't even mention her…"

"Because I killed her?"

Green eyes widened with surprise. But then indignation replaced any other emotion in his face. His fist clenched under the table while his gaze fixed on the man sitting in front of him. He felt revulsion, but he wasn't sure if it was for the man or for all those emotions that lingered deep inside of him despite everything. Subaru experienced self-loath quite frequently since he'd met Seishirou.

"So you have some common sense after all." His voice was soft and cold. His lips were curved in a wry smile.

Seishirou looked at him with a piercing golden eye through the sunglasses. The tension between them was evident but then Seishirou leaned back and returned his attention to the discarded photos.

"Why did you kill her?"

Seishirou didn't look at him. The slender fingers were still playing with the photos and since the older man hadn't acknowledged hearing his question, Subaru assumed he'd be ignored. Suddenly he heard the other man's voice.

"Why do you ask? Does it matter? My answer won't change anything, Subaru."

"Maybe not, but I still want to know…"

"So you can blame me and freely hate me? Just look at yourself. It seems as if you could break down right now."

Subaru couldn't bare the hopelessness he felt each time he imagined Hokuto's lifeless body slipping from Seishirous hand, covered in her blood. He'd failed to the only person who understood him and the one that needed him the most. He'd come to his senses too late, just as everything in his life.

"Even if Hokuto-chan was your sister, you never understood her. You've always believed she exchanged her life for yours; but the fact that you're still alive is a completely different matter."

"But then why…"

"Hush, Subaru-kun. Let me finish. Even if she wasn't as powerful as either of us, she came to confront me. It was a matter of honor and pride. To refuse her would've been disrespectful. And you can't expect the Sakurazukamori to ignore someone who came to challenge him, especially if it's a Sumeragi."

"But you knew she had no chance…" Subaru's brittle reply was barely audible.

"That was not of my concern. Unlike you, I'm quite sure Hokuto-chan knew what she was doing. So I took her challenge seriously."

Seishirou's fingers caught his chin, forcing Subaru to face him.

"You're such a masochist. But I admit you're the most attractive when you're suffering. Such gorgeous eyes… they're dark yet dazzling."

"Stop it" Subaru's hand wrapped around Seishirou's wrist.

"And you're worried about what they might assume"

Seishirou smirked before releasing his chin, clearly delighted by the sight in front of him.

"You haven't changed that much. You're still so shy."

The amusement in his voice irked Subaru, who didn't like the idea of being as naïve as in the past. He wanted to be acknowledged as a worthy opponent by the older man. He wanted to be alone. Seishirou's words had hurt him more than he'd expected. Hokuto had always been what he wasn't; she'd had everything he lacked. But they loved each other. He couldn't accept those words as truth; even when he knew that despite knowing her like nobody else, he might have never understood her. His fists clenched and he shook his head in frustration.

"However, these prove that you've become an adult. Right?"

Seishirou tapped his fingers over the photos, distracting Subaru from his previous thoughts.

"Apparently, the thirteenth head of the Sumeragi family should start considering the possibility of marriage."

Subaru tensed after hearing those words.

"My family is no concern of yours"

"But anything related to you concerns me" Seishirou gave him a sly grin.

"All of them are beautiful women, and since you're so handsome, I'm sure you'll produce a magnificent offspring."

Green eyes widened as Subaru's lips separated trying to form any possible word.

"You don't know how long you'll live in order to fulfill your duty of providing an heir"

Seishirou's intense gaze unsettled the young man who still couldn't find a proper answer.

"As long as you don't get too fond of any of them, I'm willing to let you provide them with the fourteenth Sumeragi's head."

"I'm not your possession"

"Yes, you are. I told you, Hokuto's life was not an exchange for yours. You're still my prey, Subaru-kun." He was still playing with a photo. The woman was apparently interesting for him.

"Your grandmother has an interesting taste for women. I suggest this one for you. She seems appealing and mildly intelligent. She'll suit you."

He slid the photo, revealing an attractive woman with hazel eyes that seemed remotely familiar.

"Your child would be outstanding" Seishirou smirked.

"Just imagine a child with bright hazel eyes as the fourteenth head from the Sumeragi clan. You could even pretend it was our child."

Amused, Seishirou stroke Subaru's cheek before standing up. The young man looked at the retreating form, spechless and indignant by the utter nonsense from the older man.

* * *

 

Subaru wasn't quite sure why he was there, sitting at a table in one of the fanciest and most exclusive restaurants in Kyoto. In front of him was an attractive young woman dressed in an elegant kimono. She could be considered a classical Japanese beauty. Her dark hair was carefully arranged, contrasting with her fair skin and delicate features. But any possible attraction Subaru could've felt was crushed by the hazel eyes that stared at him. He still remembered Seishirou's words. His grandmother had chosen the same woman after Subaru had tried to refuse meeting any of the candidates she'd chosen. She didn't accept no for an answer, so she insisted until Subaru accepted to meet just one of them.

Their first meeting had been at the Sumeragi's state. Her parents and his grandmother had been there and they've done much of the talking. He tried to be polite despite his lack of interest, but that had only caused more trouble. Her parents had liked him and insisted on inviting him to their own house. That had been the beginning of everything.

She was intelligent, educated and quite charismatic. So it was really difficult for Subaru to reject her openly, which worried him to no end. Through the years it became a habit to visit her from time to time, and before he realized, he'd known her for almost five years. He came to consider her a close acquaintance since he was unable to call her a friend.

He'd rejected her insinuations and her futile attempts to get closer to him. Subaru knew she was attracted to him and more than willing to become his bride; but he refused to marry only to satisfy his grandmother and provide a successor to their clan. However, both families still hoped for a wedding even when they had not announced an engagement.

"So, what have you been doing in your free time, Sumeragi-san? You haven't told me much about you lately."

Subaru´s lips curved in a weak smile.

"I've never been that interesting and right now I don't really have much free time…"

"That's not surprising. Subaru-kun has always been an extremely dedicated onmyouji. He's an extraordinary one, by the way."

The cultured and velvety voice that interrupted him sent shivers though his spine. He knew that deep voice and the musky cologne that reached his nostrils could only belong to one person. When he looked at his companion it was obvious that she was surprised and slightly confused. Her confusion was understandable since Seishirou had placed his hand over his shoulder, pressing it softly in an intimate way that could be considered improper for two men.

"Pardon me. Am I interrupting Subaru-kun? I was waiting for someone but when they called me in order to cancel our appointment I saw you. "

The young onmyouji hadn't realized he'd held his breath until he sighed. Looking at his companion's questioning glance he decided the best was to follow Seishirou's lead. His jaw tightened slightly before turning his head to the older man's direction.

"What a coincidence Seishirou-san. I'm sure you're quite busy. I'd hate to hold you back."

"Don't worry, that was my last engagement for the rest of the day." Seishirou ignored Subaru's rudeness and the barely concealed hostility.

Since he had no other option, Subaru decided to introduce them.

"Matsumoto-san, this is Seishirou-san… and old acquaintance."

The young woman smiled while bowing her head, a gesture Seishirou corresponded with a perfect bow and a gentlemanly smile. He looked like an elegant businessman, wearing a dark grey suit and a pristine white shirt. He was not using sunglasses, so his golden eye contrasted dramatically with his blind one.

Even if he was polite, the woman could perceive something cold and almost dangerous in the man. She refrained from asking anything. However, her curiosity was obvious to Seishirou, who kept his gaze fixed on her. Subaru watched silently the scene in front of him. He tried to reach for an ofuda, but a hand closed tightly around his wrist.

"I suggest you refrain from doing such a thing. I don't really care about destroying this place, but is that what you want, Subaru-kun?"

Seishirou's lips caressed his earlobe as he whispered his warning. When Subaru raised his eyes, he could tell how confused Matsumoto was. He pressed his lips together before trying to yank his hand from the older man's grip. The other man relented, nevertheless he left his fingers linger over Subaru's skin. They haven't met since the day he'd received that damned folder, so having Seishirou so close to him and touching his body disturbed him to the point of despair.

"Please, Seishirou-san…"

"How cold, we haven't met for years. But you look paler, are you overdoing it, Subaru[1]?"

His expression could've deceived him, but he knew better than to trust him. Concern was the last thing he could expect from the Sakurazukamori. He was ready to snap at him, but the cool fingers caressing his cheeks flustered and distracted the young onmyouji. He knew Seishirou was pulling an act in front of the young woman, and he hated him for it, yet he longed for that touch. He loathed the way the older man could elicit such ambivalent feelings from him.

"I need to have a few words with you Subaru, in private."

When he turned around to face the woman sitting in from of the young man, he fixed his golden eye on her. She simply nodded, more like an instinctive reaction than a conscious movement. Subaru sighed in defeat, standing up while trying to get some distance between Seishirou and him.

"Fine, let's go then."

Once they were away from prying eyes, Subaru turned around to face the older man. His eyes glinted with uncertainty. He placed his hands in his pockets in order to reach for his ofudas, seeking for the feeling of security they provided. Seishirou was in front of him, leaning casually on a wall.

"You're kind of slow, Subaru-kun. Do you intend to sleep with her in order to produce a successor? Because if you do, it's taking you too long."

"You've been watching me? How could you, damn bastard?" Subaru snapped indignant.

Seishirou raised his brows, surprised by the sudden outburst from the younger man. A smirk curved his lips.

"You've changed. Such nasty words hardly suit a beauty like you. But even if you hate to admit it, the truth remains the same. I told you once I'd allow you to get married and produce an heir for your clan, but apparently you've decided to leave this world without giving a fourteenth head to the Sumeragi family."

Subaru's features hardened and cold sweat trailed his nape. He didn't need to be reminded.

"We're probably going to die soon, by each other's hand nonetheless. So I will say it just once. I've changed my mind. I'm pretty sure that woman would be willing to carry your child even without getting married. She'd be happy even if you just kept her as your mistress. But you can't bring yourself to do it."

Subaru tried to resist the urge to avoid the intense scrutiny from that golden gaze. He knew everything was truth, though it didn't make him feel any better, quite the opposite.

"You won't meet with her anymore. She's useless now since you won't bed her and I don't like when others get too close to my property."

"I'm not your toy, nor your fucking property! And I don't give a damn about that hunter's game of yours. My relationships are not your business. And don't even think about bringing up that shit about me being your prey. You're not even my lover…"

The low chuckle from Seishirou irritated Subaru who was ready to leave him alone. But a strong hold prevented him from doing so.

"I never thought you were so girlish Subaru. Is that what you want? Such a feeble thing… If you've always wanted to be my lover, you should've asked. I wouldn't deny you anything. You're pretty attractive after all."

Seishirou closed the distance between them. The soft whispers against his cheek and the cold fingers caressing his jaw weakened his knees.

"I didn't mean…-"

"Oh, yes you did. It seems you've gotten tired of being merely watched. But that's something easy to fix. Let's go somewhere else Subaru-kun…"

He tried to refuse, but Seishirou's face became expressionless. He closed his arms around Subaru's slim waist, attracting him to his own body.

"You'll come with me if you want to avoid making a scene here and if you appreciate that woman. If you don't, or if you keep in contact with her; I'll feed her to the Sakura Tree. She's worthless for me, so I won't hesitate to do it."

Subaru stopped struggling before looking angered at him. Finally, he sighed before trying to get free.

"Alright, I'll do it… But you're still an insensitive bastard."

Seishirou ignored that last comment as he released Subaru. With long strides he came to the table where the young woman was still waiting. It seemed like she had sensed something was happening despite her apparently pleasant disposition.

"I'm afraid I'll have to steal Subaru-kun from you, Matsumoto-san"

She looked taken aback, but she quickly composed her features. Then, her eyes caught the image of Seishirou's hand pressed on Subaru's back in a possessive gesture.

"Is that so? It's such a shame, but I won't hold you back anymore. It was a pleasure to meet you… Seishirou-san"

"The pleasure was mine"

He understood her significant glance and his lips curved slightly. She knew she'd lost. It seemed like he had underestimated her, which only increased his dislike for her.

* * *

 

Subaru knew it'd been a mistake to give in to Seishirou's threat the moment he was inside the elevator of an elegant building with said man. The whole situation seemed so ridiculous he wanted to laugh and escape from the damn building. He was not sure which were Seishirou's intentions, but they probably implied a humiliation Subaru was not willing to suffer. As if he could sense his worries, the man placed a hand around his waist and another in his back.

"You're shivering, Subaru-kun. Are you nervous?" his lips brushed his nape, almost kissing his skin.

"There's no need to be afraid. You're not a lamb being lead to sacrifice."

_I've got a song for the fools_  
Running, I was running through the rain  
Running, always running all in vain

The young onmyouji glared at him. Then he tried to compose himself, he closed his eyes and concentrated in his breathing. When he opened his eyes he was already in front of a door. He looked around and realized that Seishirou seemed to live in the last floor; which meant this was an expensive penthouse. Somehow, it suited his image. The place was extremely tidy. It was even hard to believe someone actually lived there. The cold perfection from everything was as everything related to the owner.

Suddenly, Subaru was aware that he was standing in the place where Seishirou lived. He frowned, confused by the reasons behind his presence there. He looked around and studied everything. It seemed like nothing was out of place.

"What's wrong? Haven't seen an apartment before?"

He glared at the older man, ignoring the sarcasm. His fingers trailed the surface of a glass table while his eyes fixed on his own image reflected in it. There was a man without hope. He smiled wryly at his reflection before turning his head in Seishirou's direction. A glass containing amber liquor was extended to him. He looked at it dubiously before taking it. He wasn't an expert, but after lifting the glass to his nose, he could tell it was bourbon, probably an expensive one. The warm feeling in his throat was not enough to calm his nerves and it only increased the knot in it.

When he left the glass over the table a hand took his before leading him somewhere else. Finally they stood in front of a door. The owner of the house opened it, showing a bathroom as pristine as the rest of the house.

"Take a shower; it will help you to relax. Everything you might need is in here." He pointed a cabinet before turning around and closing the door after him.

Subaru looked around, and breathed deeply. He tried to order his ideas. He was at Seishirou's house, in his bathroom. And he was sure that he was about to commit the worst mistake in his life. He started to get wary about his constant urgency to run way from there. There was no turning back for him, he'd lost any chance since the time he'd first met Seishirou all those years ago. He wasn't sure what was worst, to know that destiny had been sealed since they met, or to believe that his choices had led him to that moment.

After being finished with his shower, he wrapped a towel around his waist before leaving the bathroom. He felt slightly disoriented as he walked through the corridor, but a hand reached for him before he could wander anymore. Cool fingertips caressed his cheekbones, sliding then to his jaw. The contrast between their temperatures was delightful, drawing a soft gasp from him. Subaru expected a mocking comment from the other one, but Seishirou was concentrated on tracing delicate patterns through his skin.

He was not sure how it happened, but he'd closed his eyes. The moment he opened them he was standing before Seishirou, who was sitting on a bed with dark blue covers. Subaru was prevented from studying his surroundings by the feeling of soft lips pressed over his unexpectedly oversensitive neck. He moved, giving free access to the venturous lips that carefully advanced to his chest. Suddenly something changed and a delicious shiver ran through his back as the feathered touches ascended to his nape following the delicate curve from his spine. The warm lips left his chest to assault his own. He'd never expected a kiss to be so soft and hot. He felt insecure. He had never kissed anyone, save for some occasional and stolen kisses in the past. But this was different yet tender, as if the older man knew about his inexperience.

The firm warmth from Seishirou's lips numbed his own in a sensual and cadent way, shattering his last resistance. The continuous stimulation from the foreign touches all over his body, stroking his skin in swift and practiced caresses, fogged his mind until pleasure overwhelmed him.

_You're the one I see when I close my eyes  
My love doesn't care, for years, for ifs and whys_

His eyes were fixed in the man in front of him. Seishirou's golden eye gleamed in a mesmerizing way highlighted with some dark intensity that even when he wanted to deny it, could only be described as lust. He seemed concentrated in every single inch from Subaru's body, caressing swirling patterns in his skin, kissing with his hot and moist lips whatever portion he was able to reach, from his mouth to his neck. Then he'd started licking in slow and wanton motions the trail his lips had left behind. Subaru wondered how such a cruel man could also be so very gentle. Then he remembered all those painful memories from a kind and caring veterinarian, someone who never existed. Suddenly his eyes were brimming with unshed tears, and to his surprise the very person who caused them, kissed them away. Seishirou's fingers caressed his cheeks slowly, as if enjoying the touch. Then his face was framed by the slender and now warm fingers. He held his breath as he felt those luscious lips searching his own, ravishing his mouth with delicious kisses and licks.

He knew all that gentleness was a lie, a mere illusion for the sake of carnal pleasure, yet he longed for it with such intensity that he could feel his body aching for it. He wrapped his arms around Seishirou's neck, seeking for a closeness that had always been denied to him. The man corresponded by pressing him closer with the hand he'd placed on his nape, his fingers stroked his soft and dark tresses. His tongue prodded through Subaru's lips until it gained access to the warm and wet cavity of his mouth. A soft moan reverberated within Subaru's mouth as his tongue, shy at first, played along Seishirou's, trying to imitate its sensuous movements.

Subaru felt the towel sliding through his skin until he was naked. He felt suddenly awkward, but before he could try to cover his body, he was pulled by his waist until he was straddling Seishirou. The warm and firm body under his naked thighs ignited a passion Subaru had never experienced before. The presence of the older man became far more real by the mere touch of their bodies. He could feel the color ascending through his neck to his face, so he tried to hide it by burying it in Seishirou's neck, but the man would have none of it. His chin was lifted carefully until he was facing the Sakurazukamori. Their gazes locked for what felt like an eternity until his eyes closed again, trying to enjoy the hungry kisses. Teeth nibbled his lower lip until he gasped, in that moment a tongue slipped inside his mouth, stroking every single part of it until it was met by his own tongue to start a cadent dance between them. It had no real sense to battle for dominance, but he enjoyed the way their tongues wrapped around each other.

Little by little their limbs began to entangle while both of them broke their kiss. Subaru gasped, trying to breath. He was feeling lightheaded and dizzy, but he was not given the chance to come to his senses, since Seishirou began to trace soft kisses across his jaw in order to descend to his neck. Soon enough the heat was almost unbearable. Subaru was ashamed and surprised by how sensitive his body had become. A single touch and his back would curve as his lips opened to moan without any restrain. Subaru felt overwhelmed between the heat and the delicious feeling from the body beneath his own, skin against unwanted clothes.

He began tugging at Seishirou's clothes, trying to get rid of them with increasing desperation. He was so concentrated at his task that when heard a low chuckle he couldn't help but scowl at the other man. Defiance was evident in his face, but it only seemed to entice Seishirou the more. However, he was pleased as he realized that the older man obliged to help him. His fingers played with the shirt's bottoms, opening it to reveal the velvety skin that covered the slender yet strong body beneath it. But then his hands were grasped as his body was pushed over the bed.

The room filled with the sound of their bodies against each other and the secretly rustle of clothes. At some point Subaru realized he was not the only one panting and moaning. Though Seishirou was quieter, Subaru could hear grunting sounds coming from him as his hands trailed infinite patterns in the wide back. His hips had begun to thrust as Seishirou's hand had wrapped around him. The grip was almost painful, but the continuous fondling sent pure pleasure to his body. Then, a warm finger slid between the tender folds of his entrance, rubbing and scissoring with exasperating persistence. His first impulse was to draw away, but a hand kept him firmly in place. Soon after another finger was added, and just when he began to adjust to the intrusion, a third one joined the others.

When Subaru felt he couldn't bear it any longer, a pleading and throaty sound escaped from him. Seishirou seemed to understand since he began to undress languidly before placing himself between Subaru's parted legs. His eyes lingered at the image in front of him. Seishirou's body was slim, yet the lines tracing his body insinuated a well-built constitution. After his appreciating glance, he became aware of their position, which in any other situation Subaru would've found humiliating or at least shameful, but the need burning within him was greater than any feeling of modesty.

_Never important what you give as it would only change  
The way of life I have to live, my song it may sound strange_

 

When Subaru woke up, he was alone in the untangled bed. He felt cold and empty though he couldn't pretend he regretted what happened. Nothing had really changed between them. They were still enemies and despite the tenderness Seishirou had showed, Subaru knew everything was a façade. He didn't know when he became so desperate to be something more than a mere doll to the older man. He was certain that having loveless sex didn't make him any different from an insignificant thing. Sometimes he'd wonder what would've happened had he won the bet. His family would've never approved and he wasn't sure if he'd been able to stand up for such relationship. But it was something pointless to think about it, his reality was this one.

When he tried to step out of the bed, the dull ache from his body prevented him from doing so. Finally, he was able to stand up in order to walk into the bathroom. Subaru felt nauseous as the fluids from last night slid though his thighs until they reached his legs. Gritting his teeth he advanced to the bathroom until he was able to reach the shower.

He closed his eyes, enjoying the warm droplets of water caressing his skin. His eyes opened as he felt a presence beside him. Soft lips kissed his earlobe before a velvety voice reached his ears.

"Why did you leave the bed? Are you already satisfied, or did you get tired of it so soon?"

The teasing in Seishirou's voice flustered him. He tried to put some distance between them to prevent Seishirou from noticing his body's reaction to their proximity. Unfortunately, the man sensed it and instead forced him to stay where he was by placing his arms around his waist. He didn't even try to struggle; instead he lowered his head to avoid facing the man behind him.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of. It's actually quite flattering Subaru-kun; to know that you like me that much."

His hands slid across his skin, his fingertips traced figures with the drops until they reached his crotch. With swift movements they began to caress him. Blood rushed to his head and other parts of his body he loathed in that moment as he began to pant heavily. Subaru wanted to refuse him, but he didn't have the strength to do it. Tears of frustration threatened to abandon his eyes.

"Oh, now you'll show me your tears. I've always insisted that you're stunningly gorgeous when you cry. Tell me, Subaru-kun, you didn't like doing it gently? You'd rather have it rough?"

The young onmyouji closed his eyes, trying to ignore the flush from his cheeks and the urgent need of moving his hips as he was teased. When he felt Seishirou smirking against his nape, he couldn't stop his body from shivering. He tried to answer to those tantalizing words, but his body wouldn't obey him, instead a moan abandoned his lips. The more he tried, the more difficult it became to resist Seishirou's sensual and expert ministrations. He became a bundle of sensations and pleasure as his body was pushed against the wet tiles. His green eyes were fixed in the man in front of him. His clothes clung to him, wet and semi transparent, revealing the well-built anatomy beneath them.

Subaru closed his eyes as he was placed between Seichirou's hips, their crotches rubbing against each other provocatively. Suddenly, a burning pain pinned him to the wall as he was crushed beneath Seishirou's weight followed by a firm thrust. His hands tried to push him by the shoulders, but as the erratic thrusts became deeper, his hand gripped the wet shirt as his legs clung to Seishirou's hips. Their lips clashed in bruising and hungry kisses until they were left breathless. Just as he'd said, this time sex was rough and almost wild. This, Subaru thought, was the real Seishirou.

* * *

 _I've got a song for the fools_  
Running, I was running through the rain  
Running, always running all in vain  
Forever  
Running, hot blood running from my veins

Subaru looked at his hands stained in blood with horror. Incredulity and pain overwhelmed him. Everything had gone wrong. Things were supposed to end in a different way. After so many years he's been able to accept his real wish, and he'd been determined to make it true. Life was, obviously, cruel and unforgiving. Fate had always been against him, or so it seemed. He'd never believed that something could hurt more than losing his twin, but again, he'd been wrong. Tears he believed he was unable to cry spilled through his cheeks.

Pink cherry blossoms were turning blood red again, as his arms reached for the only person who'd been able to make him feel alive, despite being the person causing the most pain to him. He watched as the blood slipped from the fatal wound, life escaping with it from the other man. Those last words from Seishirou had impressed him deeply; they were what he'd never believed he'd hear. But it was too late. Subaru smiled wryly. He remembered bitterly, how he'd realized about his feelings too late, of how he'd failed to Hokuto. He'd even discovered his real wish too late.

"I've told you. You're an insensitive bastard…"

He choked, unable to move as he tried to breathe. He was there, sitting by the Sakura Tree as the Sakurazumamori should. Once he'd hated the Tree, but now it was the only thing Seishirou had left him.

"Just wait for me. I promise this time I won't be late, Seishirou-san"

**Author's Note:**

> [1] Seishirou stops using honorifics to show how intimate they are to Matsumoto-san. Most of the time he uses "-kun" in order to tease Subaru


End file.
